


Just A Chance

by M3tt3m



Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 02:10:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17613455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M3tt3m/pseuds/M3tt3m
Summary: Mark is in love with Jackson, but does Jackson love him back?





	Just A Chance

Mark had been imaging this day for years, and he was finally ready to actually do something about it. He had been in love with Jackson for so long now, and he honestly couldn’t remember what it was like not being in love with him. And Jackson? Jackson probably, or hopefully, doesn’t even have a clue that mark likes guys too.

He knew he was bi before he had even heard about Kpop, long before he was ever scouted. And it had never really been a problem to him, or at least it had never been a problem in California, he had seen his fair share of seemingly happy gay couples to know that there wasn’t anything wrong with being with a guy. His parents had also made sure that all their kids knew that they loved them no matter what, as long as they are good people and don’t hurt others then they will always love them for who they are. He had never actually had to outright come out to his parents, they just sort of knew. Maybe saying it had never been a problem to him was wrong, when he first realized that what he felt for this boy at school was a crush and not just ‘I really want to be your friend’ feelings. He had been scared, and even though his parents had made sure they knew they didn’t care, he still worried, of course he did. The day his mom gently asked if he was getting anywhere with that ‘boy crush of his’, he completely broke down in tears of relief, of course she just hugged him and told him he was loved. The doubt and fear in his mind was gone after that, as long as he has his family he’s going to be alright, or at least that was his mind set then.

Then of course the scouting, and moving to Korea thing happened, you know, nothing big really, just life changing events that shaped his life going forth, nothing big really. For a long time, he was so busy and preoccupied that he didn’t even think about dating male or female, trainee life was hard but also being thrown into another culture with another language was hard. No friends or family around to lean on was hard getting used to, he had had a pretty close nit group of friends back in cali and then of course his family. He was so lonely for the first few months, it was so hard to make friends when he didn’t speak Korean and no one really spoke English or even mandarin. He might not have been completely comfortable in mandarin, preferring English, but if it had meant making some friends he would gladly have been speaking mandarin all day every day. Sure it helped motivate him to learn Korean more quickly just to be able to have an actual conversation with the people around him, but it was still so lonely for what felt like forever. It didn’t really help that mark preferred being quiet most of the time either, he had never really been big on talking much, and especially not around strangers.

Then came the glorious day, mark still remember the day like it was yesterday (not that he’s able to remember what he ate for lunch yesterday but whatever… he remembers the day very clearly ok.). The day he met Jackson and made his first official friend in Korea, after how many months? It sure had felt like an eternity. He and a few other trainees had been called into an unfamiliar dance practice room and had been informed that way from that date onwards was going to be receiving some special ‘martial arts tricking’ lessons. He honestly had had no idea what that meant at first but the inclusion of ‘special’ in the description had made it sound very important to him so he didn’t really care. Amongst the other trainees called in for the ‘special’ lessons a new face had stuck out to him, mark had almost immediately found the handsome boy intriguing. They didn’t really have a chance to actually talk to each other for the first part of the lesson but the determination on his face and the ease he had with the complex moves made it so mark could hardly look away. While Jackson wasn’t able to do the moves as quickly as he obviously wanted to, he just kept trying and trying, it didn’t matter how many times he fell, he just got up and tried again. He also seemed to have stamina to last for days, he was obviously athletic. Mark just knew he had to introduce himself to this boy, screw having sucky Korean skills, this was it! So when the lesson ended he got his stuff from the corner and went to introduce himself. He was doing his best to map out how he was going to say it and remember the correct words for everything, he just really _really_ didn’t want to end up offending him. His day just brightened when as he was stumbling through introducing himself in Korean Jackson just grinned and put a hand on his shoulder. Jackson interrupted by telling him that he didn’t really understand a word, that he was a foreigner and that he guessed mark was too based on his spotty Korean. The relief must have been evident on his face because before he could get an answer out Jackson laughing loud and happy. It had instantly become Mark’s favorite sound in the world, he silently made a vow to himself that day to make Jackson make that sound as often as possible.

They had bonded instantly, both so far from home, having a hard time getting used to the new language and the differences in the cultures. It was that day too mark found out that Jackson was going to be moving into the same dorm as him, it was already small and compact but if it meant seeing Jackson everyday Mark couldn’t careless that it meant another person taking up space in the tiny dorm. Soon they were inseparable, they were both training to become rappers and doing martial arts tricking, they even had dance practice and Korean lessons together (of course they weren’t alone for any of these, but to mark there was no one else but Jackson in the room). They later on took the thai trainee Bambam under their wing, thinking about their own experiences about being in a foreign country all alone as teens and how scary that was and then comparing that with how scary it must be as a kid. As their Korean got better their little group grew, and a few other English speaking trainees came to the dorm, but they were never as close as him and Jackson were. It was obvious to anyone that bothered to look that Mark was totally gone on Jackson, his parents who had never met the kid in person knew. It was hard just holding a conversation with Mark without Jackson being mentioned at least once, and at times he would just go on and on about how amazing Jackson was in dance practice that day and how cool Jackson looked when he did this particularly hard flip and so on.

For a long time, Mark thought that the men walking down the street holding hands, hugging and just being affectionate with each other were dating. He didn’t have time to date himself and his growing crush on Jackson wasn’t going away anytime soon so he didn’t really give it much thought. That is until someone was explaining what ‘skinship’ was to the foreign trainees and how it was important to do a lot of it as idols, and Mark had timidly asked if it wasn’t considered gay in anyway? The instructor with confidence had told him no, and that homosexuality didn’t exist in Korea, that it was a western disease. Mark hadn’t said a word the rest of that day, he was even quieter than usually and that was really saying something with how quiet he was on a good day. He had no idea what to do with this new information, he of course knew that saying that there were no gay people in Korea was complete and utter bullshit. It just meant that it was not accepted in anyway, and here he was practically in love with his best friend and hopefully future band mate. This was the first time since before meeting Jackson Mark was questioning his decision to come to Korea. That night when everyone at the dorm were sleeping Mark snuck into the bathroom and just cried his heart out, trying to muffle his terrified sobs with his arms trying hard not to wake the others. He was so so scared, because what if everyone found out, what if everyone found out that he was not only bi but in love with Jackson? Would he be kicked out? Sent back home to start over from square one? Did this also mean that all the little things that gave Mark hope that Jackson at least had some feelings for him were just him being friendly? When he would take Marks hand into his and sometimes give it a squeeze to reassure him, the arm around his shoulder, the hugs and cuddles, all just ‘skinship’ between friends? He spent most of that week crying his eyes out every night, he looked like hell the whole week but was pretty successfully able to play it of as having caught a bug and being sick. He got a few pats on the back for ‘persevering’ despite his ‘sickness’ and damn it if he wasn’t about to cry every time it happened, the irony of how true that was despite it being a lie hit home, hard. Had he really chosen to leave his life at home where he’d always been accepted to live a life in a culture that would probably never except him for who he is? Fuck. He had really screwed up this time. But did he really have to go home to? Sure he would have his family, friends and be accepted (you know, for the most part at least) but what would he do? Go back to school? Did he really have much of a future there if he chose to go back?

And with that mark had decided to keep his sexuality a secret. It was going to be hard, he knew that, it was going to suck so badly but he would do it, he had to if he wanted to actually become a kpop idol, if he wanted to actually debut, and he did. He really really did. Besides it wouldn’t matter much when they were going to have a dating ban for at least a few years after they debuted.

Soon after Jackson, Mark, Bambam and another younger trainee, who they knew from dance and tricking practice, were moved into a separate dorm from the other trainees. They were told they were going to be part of a new boy group and there was going to be seven members in the group. It was an exciting time for all of them, they were finally getting closer to actually debuting! There was actually light at the end of the tunnel for all of them! Mark and Jackson ended up sharing a room just the two of them at the new dorm, and would be basically sharing a bed. Mark rationally new that nothing sexual was going to happen but he couldn’t help the stirring in his stomach when he first found out. His favorite part about sharing a room with Jackson quickly became the times when Jackson would just talk and talk about his worries, his fears, the hardships, secrets he told no one else. Jackson never expected mark to be an active part in the conversation, not that he wouldn’t let him if he did, he didn’t care that Mark rarely contributed but instead just listened. He just seemed to instinctively know when mark wanted to talk and when he would rather listen, and god, if Mark didn’t love him for it. Sometimes late at night Mark would dream about Jackson, while sharing his deepest darkest secrets, quietly confessing that he loved Mark. It was sometimes hard to keep the tears back when he woke up the next morning only to realize that it was all just a dream. His sister had at one point sent him this really nice leather bound journal, she had been vague about her reasoning but he had a feeling it had something to do with his obviously growing feelings for his best friend and soon to be bandmate. So he decided to use it as an outlet for all his feelings, it was hard to find time alone to talk to his family or friends especially without Jackson close by so talking to them about it was out of the question. So journal it was, it was weird at first, he felt silly writing in the stupid thing but it soon became a habit and a necessity. He wrote about his feelings for Jackson, about being bisexual in a country that denies the existence of homosexuality in their country, missing his parents, siblings and friends and just about everything in his life. He brought the stupid thing with him everywhere, afraid of Jackson accidentally stumbling upon it and the curiosity winning over his respect for Mark’s privacy. It wasn’t like Jackson hadn’t asked or tried to look while he was writing, it was a mystery and Jackson loved mysteries. It didn’t take long for the company to add the two members of the already debuted duo JJ Project, they had been so intimidating to Mark at first. They already had fans, they had debuted, they had acted and Mark had never even talked to one of them before sure he had seen them in passing but they were always heading different places. Jackson, being the social butterfly that he is, was quick to make friends with both of them, become close really quickly. To say that Mark wasn’t a little jealous would probably have been a lie, and not just of Jacksons incredible social capabilities but with how much time he started spending with Jaebum in particular, well, Mark felt left out, left behind in the dust. The loneliness was a growing monster in the back of his head once again, Mark knew it was silly and stupid and petty and all that shit, it wasn’t like they didn’t still spend the majority of their time together. It was just the times when Jackson would be talking to Jaebum and Mark would be forgotten for the moment, it was like he wasn’t even there and it scared Mark so so much. Cry himself to sleep scared, he decided then and there that he had to change. He had to be louder, be better, more social, more open, he had to be just as fun to hang around as Jaebum or Jinyoung was! He was as diligent about it as he was everything else in his life, and it soon began paying off. He no longer felt invisible in the room when the others were there, he actually started to befriend the two newly added members and Jackson seemed to laugh more and more every day. They were now just one member away from being the predicted seven members, which only meant that they were getting closer and closer to the day where they would all debut.

Everyone had been a little sceptic when they found out that their new addition to the group only had been training for seven months. It seemed so short when they had all been training for years, so when the timid Youngjae was introduced to the group everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells around him while scrutinizing his every move. Mark felt bad for the kid, sure, but the fact that it took Jaebum taking Youngjae under his wing for the rest to start accepting Youngjae into the group and incorporating him into their day to day lives, only served to cement what they all already knew. Jaebum was the leader, it didn’t matter that Mark was technically older than him and therefore would usually be the first choice, while Jaebum sometimes was a bit short fused, jaebum had the decision making skills and natural authority and leadership skills that Mark lacked. Not that Mark minded, he hadn’t wanted to be leader in the first place anyway so getting passed over for the position wasn’t really a big deal to him. Marks lack of interest in making decisions and Jaebum’s ability to do so was actually what made the two of them work so well as friends, despite Mark’s initial dislike of him.

They had a date, it seemed too good to be true. They finally after years of training had a date for their debut, they were already recording the songs, doing photoshoots for promotion, and shooting the music video and album and practicing the dance day and night. Everyone were pumped, so excited and nervous at the same time. Jackson would talk for hours at night about nothing and everything and Mark would talk for longer and longer periods of time. Something he would have hated just a few months ago, but now was thankful for. Jackson was bringing Mark out of his shell and it was obvious to anyone who had known him for longer than a few months. Mark felt more and more comfortable in his skin, something he hadn’t really felt since before he left for Korea. His parents even started to take notice, and with no doubt about the reason, they really started to love Jackson as a second son even though they had only seen the kid in pictures and shortly in a few video chats they had had with Mark. Anyone bringing that big bright smile on their son’s face was alright in their book. The only one who still worried was Mark’s sister, it was so obvious that Mark was ‘past the point of no return’-in love with Jackson and she was so worried that maybe Jackson didn’t quite see Mark that way. She also knew Mark would never talk to her about it, she could only hope he used the journal she had sent him months ago.

Standing across the stage from Jackson, meeting his eyes fleetingly and sharing a small smile; we made it. That was the moment that Mark decide he had to confess one day, if there’s even a 1 % chance that Jackson loves him back then he needs to try.

Now years later that day has come.  

**Author's Note:**

> tbh i wrote this years ago and decided i might as well post it, hope you liked it. Let me know if I should continue:)


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